Water bottle of privilege.

I bought a new water bottle. It's glass, with a powder pink silicone honey comb cover & it's just lovely. It was $25 & I still think its too much...but I love it, so no regrets. 

I've been trying to reduce my waste. (Because climate change.) So, instead of my regular 6 water bottles a day at work, I just take my pretty new glass bottle & a gallon of water. 

So I'm at the desk with my water bottle beside me, and I'm reading an article about this grandmother in Puerto Rico that is rationing rain water & crackers for her & her grandkids. Because at this exact moment, they have no food or water. 

I looked up from my phone (which had a full charge & cell service, also unlike most of PR) and saw my pretty, expensive, full water bottle. 

I have never felt my privilege more acutely than I did in that moment.

Guys, I'm white. Im like...really white. I can rap along with Hamilton, and Anna Kendrick's version of No Diggity, but that's about it. I took 5 years of Spanish & retained poquito información. (I picked up more by listening to Lin Manuel Miranda's "In the Heights." Also, he's a national & cultural treasure & an adorable cinnamon roll who I love.) Its not my fault I'm white (⬅️ that autocorrected to "whore" instead of white 😂 so, umm...) so, it's what I am. I'm lucky to be white, for reasons that are as beyond my control as the color I was born. 

I grew up in the South, in a very white community. I can count on 2 hands the number of non white people I interacted with for the 1st 10-13 years of my life. (2 hands is being generous.) And it's not that my family was racist (happy to say we never had confederate flags & they fought for the Union) and we weren't rich, or even super well off...it's just that there weren't many people of color in my church or school. Blatant racism wasn't something I was ever exposed to. Because of that it was easy to think along the lines of "if they didn't break the law they wouldn't get arrested." Or "what about black on black crime!" Or "Immigrants are taking our jobs." If I couldn't see racism, it just wasn't happening. 

I'm sorry. I was ignorant & I didn't know better. I  know better, now. I try to be better. 

My best friend is Puerto Rican, from the island, and I had NO idea until a few conversations in. Apparently she has an accent  (I still barely notice it 🤷🏻‍♀️)  I'm still not sure if it was ignorance on my part, or I just didn't care Bc we were having awesome conversations. 

This is a hard post to write. But I want to be clear, I'm not speaking for anyone other than myself. As a white person, I am aware that I have a privilege that people of color dont. But I don't want to use that to speak for them, I don't want to represent them...I don't want to silence their voices by making it about me. But I want to use my privilege to draw attention to the problems of privilege & the underlying systemic racism that they deal with. People listen to me when I speak, when they wouldn't necessarily listen to a person of color.

I have an incredibly new and probably shallow understanding of the issues they face every day. When my husband goes somewhere, I worry about him getting into an accident; I don't worry about him getting pulled over for his seatbelt & shot because of a "lack of communication" or for being "aggressive" or "threatening." 

I've never had a patient refuse my care because of the color of my skin. I've never been insulted based on my skin color. (Oh, except when someone called me a "traitor to my race.") 

I've never had to pick a community to live in based on how open they are to my race. It's never been a thought in my mind. I've never had to leave a community because of my race, either. 

I've never been intimidated by the flags my neighbors were flying. 

I've always found makeup for my skin color & products that work for my hair. 

I always see & hear a face that looks like mine on my favorite shows & movies & in advertisements. 

I've never had my very presence be questioned. I've never been asked "where are you from?" Or "what are you?" Or "are you here legally?" 

I intentionally drove around for 6 months with an expired tag to see what would happen. 

Nothing happened. (My husband & my bank account were relieved.) 

These are small examples, but they're real examples. It goes SO MUCH deeper than these. It affects healthcare, education, jobs, credit etc. It affects so many races & cultures. These examples are VERY limited, but I  am neither qualified or smart enough to explain the depth. 

What's happening here is a travesty. What's happening in PR is a travesty. I'm furious that our government is moving so slow in their relief efforts. And that our government put them in the financial position they're in, which has made recovery so much worse. And that the media is BARELY addressing it, instead focusing on how offensive or not NFL players peacefully protesting is.

 Personally, I think that if private citizens can raise money, supplies, charter a plane & get there before our government, there's a problem. 

(Also, everyone knows Puerto Rican's ARE Americans, right? They pay taxes & they do the draft & serve in the military & are American citizens. They also voted for statehood, but I would be shocked if our republican government let that happen anytime soon.) 

American Citizens are suffering. Get patriotic about that.