All is calm, all is bright

Merry Christmas!

I’m not going to talk much about the fundraiser in this post. This is my Christmas post. There’s a thank you (thank you, thank you!)/fundraiser post in the works. 

This is not that.

My favorite Christmas song, of all time, is Oh Holy Night.

There’s something about it that is magical, and reverent, and it makes me feel like it’s Christmas. It makes it feel like Christmas is supposed to feel. 

As an adult, Christmas is a lot less fun. Not only is there no Santa/ no surprises Christmas morning, but we do all of the work. All of the stuff that magically happened on its own as kids...doesn’t happen now unless we do it.

All of the shopping, all of the wrapping, all of the cleaning & all of the cooking. And it’s not nearly as much fun and it’s definitely not relaxing. 

Guys, I don’t even have kids yet. And I had at least 3 mental break downs this week. I also vowed to volunteer to work every Christmas from now on. And  I’ve been so mean to my poor husband 🤦🏻‍♀️ and what’s worse, I KNEW I was being mean & I just couldn’t stop. 

This is what Christmas did to me this year. 

Anyway, one of the lyrics in Oh, Holy Night hit me (I was looking up lyrics to find something to use as a caption for Instagram. Because that’s a thing.) 

This is the line:

And I suddenly realised,

I am so weary. (There’s a poem/thing/haiku I like that says) All of the women in me are tired. 

I am so tired. 

This year has been so hard. On a personal, national, and global level. In terms of gender, race, religion & politics. Finances, mental health, physical health, my job. My relationships. 

I feel like I’ve been constantly fighting & protesting & trying to be the voice of reason in a world that’s going insane. I feel like if I don’t speak out constantly, and use my voice whenever I hear or see something unfair or unjust it will just get worse. 

I am so tired.

This beautiful song, takes me back to a candlelit auditorium & it calms me down. It soothes my soul, and it gives me a minute to focus on something bigger than myself. 

It reminds me that there’s hope. 

In so many forms, whether you're religious or not, there is hope. 

Some people choose words to define their next year.

I don’t think I have one of those yet. I just want 2018 to be better. I want it to be filled with hope, and actions & attitudes based off of it. I want it to be fuller, and not rushed.

When people ask how I am, I don’t want “tired” to be my default answer. 

I want to be someone who makes the situation better. 

I also want more hugs.

So Merry Christmas, my dear reader. I hope this next year brings us both peace & joy & so many happy tears. I hope that we cling to our loved ones & that we embrace & act on our hopes. I hope that 2018 finds us better, wiser & happier people than we were going in.