Some days...
Some days are really hard. Some days are a little bit easier. Some days are great.
I think it's like that with everybody, no matter what they're struggling with at the time. I know that my journey isn't a unique one, and I know that my pain isn't unique. I can think of at least 8 other women who have gone or who are going through this, off of the top of my head, that I know personally.
I am not the only person going through this. I promise if you know 8 women, at least 1 will have had issues getting pregnant. They just might not talk about it.
That being said, I have had some very difficult days recently. There are multiple factors at play, but when it all comes to a head it can be overwhelming sometimes.
We had our Fetal Embryo Transfer (FET) education Friday. It was similar to our IVF education, in that is was a sit down, one on one with a nurse/coordinator.
We have a 1 out of 2 calendars, which in and of itself is intimidating and overwhelming. Like...it lists the dosage and time of each medication on each day for 2 months. And its a lot of medication to keep track of. 3 shots a day (one of which is an IM shot, with oil, straight in the keister that I will need a volunteer to inject. I'm not even kidding. Andrew would pass out and I can't give it to myself. So any nurses in Mandarin or Saint Johns County who would like to volunteer, please contact me. I can pay you back with hugs, and maybe telling you potential baby names. I'm also thinking of offering that to anyone who donates.)
So yeah, 3 shots a day (progesterone & heparin x2) estrogen & a symphony of birth control pills, various vitamins, aspirin etc.
Beyond the medication, it was a lot of information. And that was only the calendar for the last part of this process. We wont get the calendar for the 1st part until sometime next week.
But we DID get our retrieval & transfer dates!
So...thats cool.
Our egg retrieval is April 11th, and our frozen embryo transfer is May 18th.
(we also got our pay by date, so our fundraiser will be ending on March 9th!)
I know I've said it before, but I just never dreamed that I would be dealing with this. I look at the the calendars and use the lingo, and explain it, and pin the pins...and a part of me in the back of me head just keeps blinking in shock because it constantly surprises me that I'm going through this.
I say "I'm" like Andrew isn't here. He is very much a part of this, but it's a very isolating thing too, in my experience. The most he has to do is go on a diet with me, try to make it easier on me, and give his sample at the end. And he has to live with me.
I don't think he ever expected to go through this either. Seriously, when we said for better or for worse, this man meant it. Not just this, but everything that has happened in the last 10 years. He really has been such a solid support through our whole marriage. Everyday. And he's definitely not perfect, but I absolutely don't deserve him or how well he treats me. (Even when I'm a brat. Because that happens.)
My mom used to tell me that her grandmother prayed over who I (we) would marry one day. She prayed that far in advance....I'm not on the best ground when it comes to prayers and faith at the moment (bc if one more person tells me that it'll happen in God's timing, while I watch another addict mother give birth to her 4th kid, I'm might choke somebody.)...but I think if God listened to any prayers about me, those were the ones. (And my mom's that she added to the pile.)
I did have a list of everything I'm going to be doing for this but I erased it. I don't want to complain about it...this is an amazing opportunity, for a new/rare procedure with great success rates (the coordinator told us it was 9 pregnancies out of 10 cycles so far!) And even if it is overwhelming, and a lot, it's still less than what a lot of people have to go through.
In the grand scheme of things, yes I'm overwhelmed. But I'm also very, very lucky. From the partner holding my hand through this, to the doctors taking care of me, to the people who have donated, to the family and friends that have constantly supported us & listened to me freak out.
Its easy to feel sorry for myself until I remember all of that.
And when I get overwhelmed, I just start working on a baby registry. It's like shopping, and planning but without the commitment. And its a GREAT distraction that lets me feel a little bit optimistic.
Also, after seeing Kylie Jenner's video for her baby girl...umm, I'm definitely doing that.
If you want to donate to our fundraiser (and possibly be in the know for baby names choices!)
Please click the link below, donate, follow for updates, or share. #pleaseandthankyou
Making a Baby the Science-y way: The Howell Edition
I think it's like that with everybody, no matter what they're struggling with at the time. I know that my journey isn't a unique one, and I know that my pain isn't unique. I can think of at least 8 other women who have gone or who are going through this, off of the top of my head, that I know personally.
I am not the only person going through this. I promise if you know 8 women, at least 1 will have had issues getting pregnant. They just might not talk about it.
That being said, I have had some very difficult days recently. There are multiple factors at play, but when it all comes to a head it can be overwhelming sometimes.
We had our Fetal Embryo Transfer (FET) education Friday. It was similar to our IVF education, in that is was a sit down, one on one with a nurse/coordinator.
We have a 1 out of 2 calendars, which in and of itself is intimidating and overwhelming. Like...it lists the dosage and time of each medication on each day for 2 months. And its a lot of medication to keep track of. 3 shots a day (one of which is an IM shot, with oil, straight in the keister that I will need a volunteer to inject. I'm not even kidding. Andrew would pass out and I can't give it to myself. So any nurses in Mandarin or Saint Johns County who would like to volunteer, please contact me. I can pay you back with hugs, and maybe telling you potential baby names. I'm also thinking of offering that to anyone who donates.)
So yeah, 3 shots a day (progesterone & heparin x2) estrogen & a symphony of birth control pills, various vitamins, aspirin etc.
Beyond the medication, it was a lot of information. And that was only the calendar for the last part of this process. We wont get the calendar for the 1st part until sometime next week.
But we DID get our retrieval & transfer dates!
So...thats cool.
Our egg retrieval is April 11th, and our frozen embryo transfer is May 18th.
(we also got our pay by date, so our fundraiser will be ending on March 9th!)
I know I've said it before, but I just never dreamed that I would be dealing with this. I look at the the calendars and use the lingo, and explain it, and pin the pins...and a part of me in the back of me head just keeps blinking in shock because it constantly surprises me that I'm going through this.
I say "I'm" like Andrew isn't here. He is very much a part of this, but it's a very isolating thing too, in my experience. The most he has to do is go on a diet with me, try to make it easier on me, and give his sample at the end. And he has to live with me.
I don't think he ever expected to go through this either. Seriously, when we said for better or for worse, this man meant it. Not just this, but everything that has happened in the last 10 years. He really has been such a solid support through our whole marriage. Everyday. And he's definitely not perfect, but I absolutely don't deserve him or how well he treats me. (Even when I'm a brat. Because that happens.)
My mom used to tell me that her grandmother prayed over who I (we) would marry one day. She prayed that far in advance....I'm not on the best ground when it comes to prayers and faith at the moment (bc if one more person tells me that it'll happen in God's timing, while I watch another addict mother give birth to her 4th kid, I'm might choke somebody.)...but I think if God listened to any prayers about me, those were the ones. (And my mom's that she added to the pile.)
I did have a list of everything I'm going to be doing for this but I erased it. I don't want to complain about it...this is an amazing opportunity, for a new/rare procedure with great success rates (the coordinator told us it was 9 pregnancies out of 10 cycles so far!) And even if it is overwhelming, and a lot, it's still less than what a lot of people have to go through.
In the grand scheme of things, yes I'm overwhelmed. But I'm also very, very lucky. From the partner holding my hand through this, to the doctors taking care of me, to the people who have donated, to the family and friends that have constantly supported us & listened to me freak out.
Its easy to feel sorry for myself until I remember all of that.
And when I get overwhelmed, I just start working on a baby registry. It's like shopping, and planning but without the commitment. And its a GREAT distraction that lets me feel a little bit optimistic.
Also, after seeing Kylie Jenner's video for her baby girl...umm, I'm definitely doing that.
If you want to donate to our fundraiser (and possibly be in the know for baby names choices!)
Please click the link below, donate, follow for updates, or share. #pleaseandthankyou
Making a Baby the Science-y way: The Howell Edition
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