Don't ask

Please don't ask me. Don't ask me when we're going to start trying, what we've tried, what our plan is. We don't have one anymore. 

Our plans have been thrown out multiple windows, multiple times.

And if you have to ask me, because I haven't offered the information, I don't know you well enough to confide in you. My body, my fears and my dreams are not casual conversation to make up an awkward silence.

Don't try to sell me something that can fix me. I have paid for enough doctors, science and tests to know what's wrong. There isn't a magic shake, drink or oil that can fix it. Please don't try to make a profit off of my illness. 

I speak about it on my terms. I own this part of me, I've written about it to give it a voice. To give myself a voice. I speak about it because I know SO many other women who aren't able to. It helps to know that you aren't struggling alone. Also because I'm selfish, and sometimes I can't keep it all in my head anymore. 

If you want to talk to me about it, that's fine. But stop and ask yourself why, first. Is it because you're dealing with infertility or similar issues? (Welcome, I love you, Let's chat!) Is it because you're genuinely concerned about me? (Welcome, I love you, lets chat!) Is it because you're curious about what infertility & treatments entail? (Come sit! I'll tell you what I know, but you're probably better off asking an OB 🤷🏻‍♀️) Is it because you want to give me advice/anecdotal stories you're sure I haven't heard before? (Can it be texted? Emailed? Sent in a way I'm not forced to respond? Go with that.) Will you be making any sort of monetary profit from me if I buy this product you're telling me will fix me? (That's a hard no from me, thanks. Best not broach the subject.)

If you still need to talk to me about infertility, please don't suggest/mention: adoption, surrogacy, relaxing, not worrying about it, taking a vacation, praying harder, sexual positions, mucinex, God's timing, or everything happening for a reason.

Please feel free to encourage me or say something nice!

 Examples include: You would be a great mom! Andrew will be a great dad! Thinking of/praying for you! Your hair looks awesome & you look like you've lost weight! What are your thoughts on Star Wars/any movie/any book/trivia/pop culture. 

And if you're a young, pretty, pregnant woman/new mom...just don't talk to me about any of it, please. Unless it's just to say something nice. No offense, but it's hard not to dislike you at least little bit. I know it's not really fair, but neither is my thing. So can we just not? Let's talk about something else instead. 

Forgive me for hiding you on Facebook as soon as you announced your pregnancy, it wasn't anything personal. You're still cool, I just don't want to be bombarded with pregnancy, then new baby stuff. (I'm just there for the memes!) 

Forgive me for not attending the baby shower, I just can't think of anything I want to do less than sit in a room for hours, surrounded by & celebrating, baby & pregnancy stuff. You're glowing, the baby will be as amazing as you are...I just don't have the energy to deal with that specific form of emotional torture. I DO appreciate the invite though. I'll even send you a gift! I do GREAT gifts.

I'm trying to figure this out as much as anyone else going through it. Some days I handle it really well, and some days I suck at it & use semi- unhealthy coping mechanisms (like denial, ice cream, and buying more makeup. 😜) I'm working on it. I'm in therapy (this is but one subject of many to tackle) And I'll try to be gracious and not be a bitch when/and if this particular blog gets convienently ignored.