emotional range of a teaspoon
“Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.” - Hermione Granger
So I had a follow up appointment with my doctor on Monday, and she ended up referring me to an infertility specialist- HER infertility specialist.
From the very beginning, she said that she wasn't going to keep me around trying cycle after cycle if she didn't think it would work. I'm grateful for that. So that appointment is Weds.
Now, on to the heart of my frustrating week.
Thursday night at work, I saw yet another pregnancy announcement on my facebook timeline. (If you're keeping track, this makes 10. TEN women on my fb timeline that are pregnant.) I immediately unfollowed (clicked the "hide from newsfeed" button, not "unfriend") her, like I do every pregnancy announcing fb friend. I've been doing this for over a year. (I do make exceptions to this policy though. I didn't unfollow my sister.)
I made the mistake of announcing what I was doing, while I was doing it. I thought that I was among friends, or at least people who wouldn't immediately chastise/attack/judge me for it. I was wrong.
I was immediately called "bitter" "jealous" and warned that the negative energy would keep me from getting pregnant. I was chastised for not being happy for these women. I was told that God wouldn't want me to hide them from my timeline.
Let me make a few things VERY clear.
-I AM happy for these women. It just hurts me to be reminded every time I check facebook that I'm not pregnant; that I've failed, once again, and that I might never be pregnant. It's a self preservation thing.
-I go and look at their profiles, but I do it when I'm ready and mentally prepared to see it. I'll go to the baby showers that I'm invited to, and get excited over names and little baby outfits. I'll even like their myriad of baby pictures on fb, because they're cute. (I refuse to like the potty training statuses, or the pregnancy complaint statuses though, sorry.)
-Do I get jealous? yes. Do I sit and brew on it? no. I move on. I have a life, and it's a good life. As long as I'm not constantly reminded of what I don't have, I'm good. I like being reminded of what I do have- a wonderful husband, a close family, great friends, free time, ect.
-Unless you're my doctor or God, you have no reason to tell me what will or will not get me pregnant. End of story.
...and while we're talking about God, I'm pretty sure He isn't bothered by who I do or do not show on my timeline. If He is, I'm in trouble because I never re-post those "if you love Jesus" things. I'm perfectly within my rights to unfollow someone. Beyond that, they don't even know it (well, maybe now they're guessing it because I'm blogging it.) It doesn't affect them AT ALL.
I'm offended by how they reacted and attacked me. I'm offended because of the assumptions made, because they told me how I should be feeling. The implications that my emotions were 'wrong' deeply offends me.
Because I have a lot of emotions. Part of it is having a vagina & the hormones that go along with it. Part of it stems from a constant sense of loss that I've carried in my heart for the last 3 years. I'm not the same person I was before my mom died. I have good emotions and bad emotions, but none of them are "wrong." God created me with the ability to feel many things, sometimes at once, and I do. The Bible recognizes & addresses sadness,weariness, joy, hope, anger, bitterness, love, happiness ect. They are valid emotions, and as a human, I'm allowed to, able to and should experience them all in appropriate circumstances.
I know myself & I trust myself. I'm very aware of how I feel, why I feel it, and how I'm acting about it.
So, if I talk about any of this with you, please don't tell me how I should or should not be feeling. Please let me feel how I need to without reprimanding me for an emotion that you don't understand. Please listen to me instead of judging me. Please encourage me instead of telling me how God would want me to feel.
Also, if anyone wants to get me this for Christmas, feel free :)
http://www.harrypottershop.com/product/harry+potter+exclusive+emotional+range+of+a+teaspoon+womens+fitted+black+tshirt+hptvtjs5000.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=&from=Search
So I had a follow up appointment with my doctor on Monday, and she ended up referring me to an infertility specialist- HER infertility specialist.
From the very beginning, she said that she wasn't going to keep me around trying cycle after cycle if she didn't think it would work. I'm grateful for that. So that appointment is Weds.
Now, on to the heart of my frustrating week.
Thursday night at work, I saw yet another pregnancy announcement on my facebook timeline. (If you're keeping track, this makes 10. TEN women on my fb timeline that are pregnant.) I immediately unfollowed (clicked the "hide from newsfeed" button, not "unfriend") her, like I do every pregnancy announcing fb friend. I've been doing this for over a year. (I do make exceptions to this policy though. I didn't unfollow my sister.)
I made the mistake of announcing what I was doing, while I was doing it. I thought that I was among friends, or at least people who wouldn't immediately chastise/attack/judge me for it. I was wrong.
I was immediately called "bitter" "jealous" and warned that the negative energy would keep me from getting pregnant. I was chastised for not being happy for these women. I was told that God wouldn't want me to hide them from my timeline.
Let me make a few things VERY clear.
-I AM happy for these women. It just hurts me to be reminded every time I check facebook that I'm not pregnant; that I've failed, once again, and that I might never be pregnant. It's a self preservation thing.
-I go and look at their profiles, but I do it when I'm ready and mentally prepared to see it. I'll go to the baby showers that I'm invited to, and get excited over names and little baby outfits. I'll even like their myriad of baby pictures on fb, because they're cute. (I refuse to like the potty training statuses, or the pregnancy complaint statuses though, sorry.)
-Do I get jealous? yes. Do I sit and brew on it? no. I move on. I have a life, and it's a good life. As long as I'm not constantly reminded of what I don't have, I'm good. I like being reminded of what I do have- a wonderful husband, a close family, great friends, free time, ect.
-Unless you're my doctor or God, you have no reason to tell me what will or will not get me pregnant. End of story.
...and while we're talking about God, I'm pretty sure He isn't bothered by who I do or do not show on my timeline. If He is, I'm in trouble because I never re-post those "if you love Jesus" things. I'm perfectly within my rights to unfollow someone. Beyond that, they don't even know it (well, maybe now they're guessing it because I'm blogging it.) It doesn't affect them AT ALL.
I'm offended by how they reacted and attacked me. I'm offended because of the assumptions made, because they told me how I should be feeling. The implications that my emotions were 'wrong' deeply offends me.
Because I have a lot of emotions. Part of it is having a vagina & the hormones that go along with it. Part of it stems from a constant sense of loss that I've carried in my heart for the last 3 years. I'm not the same person I was before my mom died. I have good emotions and bad emotions, but none of them are "wrong." God created me with the ability to feel many things, sometimes at once, and I do. The Bible recognizes & addresses sadness,weariness, joy, hope, anger, bitterness, love, happiness ect. They are valid emotions, and as a human, I'm allowed to, able to and should experience them all in appropriate circumstances.
I know myself & I trust myself. I'm very aware of how I feel, why I feel it, and how I'm acting about it.
So, if I talk about any of this with you, please don't tell me how I should or should not be feeling. Please let me feel how I need to without reprimanding me for an emotion that you don't understand. Please listen to me instead of judging me. Please encourage me instead of telling me how God would want me to feel.
Also, if anyone wants to get me this for Christmas, feel free :)
http://www.harrypottershop.com/product/harry+potter+exclusive+emotional+range+of+a+teaspoon+womens+fitted+black+tshirt+hptvtjs5000.do?sortby=ourPicks&refType=&from=Search
Comments
Post a Comment