Worry

We already knew that I didnt respond quickly to Femara. I knew that.

But I was still disappointed this morning when I didn't have any mature follicles. 

They need to be 12's, at least, before we can start injections. I had 3 that were 8's.

So, they're supposed to grow 1-2 cm's a day, so the injections got pushed back to Sunday night, when hopefully, they'll be 12 cm's. (I think that's the measurement they're using. Could be wrong. I didn't know the 2 arnp's doing the scan & they kind of blew through everything. Plus it was hard to pay attention over the sound of anxiety & disappointment ringing in my ears.) 

They were quick to assure me that it's perfectly normal to have to adjust the schedule, and that there was nothing to worry about. That that's WHY we had a schedule that they could manipulate. (As far as starting a menstrual cycle, inducing ovulation ect.) 

Everyone says not to worry. "Not worrying" has never given me a positive outcome yet, so, I'm going to go ahead and worry a little bit. I saw on another infertility blog (found via Instagram) a woman say that she could be as zen as possible, doing meditation & yoga with the Dali lama in a spring fed cave somewhere....and still not get pregnant. 

I know enough about this stuff to worry, to know that I don't know enough to do anything except worry. 

So, injections start Sunday night. A follow  up u/s is Tuesday morning where if, at least 1 of those 3 little follicles has grown, I'll take an HCG trigger shot to trigger ovulation.  And then bow chick wow wow. 

Maybe it's just because I didn't hear what I was hoping to today, but I am worried. I'm very aware of what I have to lose in all of this. 

If this doesn't work, we literally just wasted $1300 and I don't know when we'll be able to do it again. 

And that's the less painful result of it not working. 

I'm not confident about this working, and there's not a thing I can do to change it, and it sucks.