better than a hallelujah
Last night I was sad. I was also running on 2.5 hours of sleep, a 12 hour shift, an empty stomach & sad music.
So I was sad.
Also, (and what started the whole thing) I saw a pregnant coworker who started trying after I did and is about 27 weeks now, and her belly popped! It just reminded me of where I had hoped to be months and months ago.
Andrew was completely lost when he got home, so he just rubbed my feet for me (which I was grateful for.)
I had my u/s appointment today. Apparently, I put too much thought into my 2 dominant follicles, because they didn't grow. Along with the rest of them.
Obviously, that isn't the reason.
And although MY dr. Wasn't able to be there (since she was out of the country...) her partner was wonderful. She also offered to come in on black Friday (when they're closed.) to do another u/s just to see if there was any more development. I love their practice.
But despite that, it seems like this cycle was a bust.
So tonight, I'm a little bit numb. A little bit disappointed. They feel very similar, and I'm wondering if disappointment has become so familiar that my self preservation has become immediate. (Numbing is part of a self preservation cycle in my world. Its like that part of my brain shuts down until the rest of me is ready to deal with it.)
I'm just tired right now. I thought about taking a break for the next cycle, but I don't really know what we're going to do at this point.
So I was sad.
Also, (and what started the whole thing) I saw a pregnant coworker who started trying after I did and is about 27 weeks now, and her belly popped! It just reminded me of where I had hoped to be months and months ago.
Andrew was completely lost when he got home, so he just rubbed my feet for me (which I was grateful for.)
I had my u/s appointment today. Apparently, I put too much thought into my 2 dominant follicles, because they didn't grow. Along with the rest of them.
Obviously, that isn't the reason.
And although MY dr. Wasn't able to be there (since she was out of the country...) her partner was wonderful. She also offered to come in on black Friday (when they're closed.) to do another u/s just to see if there was any more development. I love their practice.
But despite that, it seems like this cycle was a bust.
So tonight, I'm a little bit numb. A little bit disappointed. They feel very similar, and I'm wondering if disappointment has become so familiar that my self preservation has become immediate. (Numbing is part of a self preservation cycle in my world. Its like that part of my brain shuts down until the rest of me is ready to deal with it.)
I'm just tired right now. I thought about taking a break for the next cycle, but I don't really know what we're going to do at this point.
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